The Summer of Change

With the onset of the not-so cool October weather, I've been contemplating the various life lessons I learned over this past summer and many of those lessons are now coming into fruition now that I am back at school. When I say that life post-Miss New Jersey was a struggle, I am not exaggerating. From focusing on one goal with a tunnel vision mentality to having to assimilate back into reality, it was quite the wake up call. When my previous(because I won't call her old!) director, Anne  called me the day after Miss New Jersey tell me that there was a distinct reason why God didn't have the Miss New Jersey card in mind for me just yet, I sat and waited for that reason to dawn upon me and low and behold, it finally did in reflecting on my growth and experience over this summer.

Interning five days a week and working the other two to sustain some sort of income wore me to the bone, but at the same time bubbled me with excitement. Everyday was a new challenge, a new hurdle to jump over and I pushed myself to the limit, knowing that my internship experience would be a once in a lifetime opportunity to gain real life experience in two fields that bring out the fire in me.

When my co-president of the Rutgers University chapter of She's the First told me I should intern for She's the First and that it would change my life, I brushed it off by thinking it would be just another internship opportunity. I was wrong. Very wrong. Remember when I mentioned earlier about how everything happens for a reason and how Miss New Jersey wasn't in God's plans for my this year? Well, this is why. My first day at She's the First I was given the task to plan our large-scale partnership workshop with The Young Women's Leadership Schools of New York. It was my job to craft an innovative workshop that would teach the campers how social media can be used as a "superpower," all while informing them of the goals of She's the First and incorporating a global component that would expose them to the issues that lie in disparities of global girls' education. I remember sitting down with my color-blocked, filled planner reassessing what I had gotten myself into. I doubted my own abilities to complete such a task. You'd think after traveling the state giving talks about the importance of arts education in public school settings and hosting a handful of arts empowerment workshops that I would be a pro at this sort of thing, but this large scale camp wasn't in front of a group of ten Girl Scouts or a classroom of fifteen, this was one hundred girls in a gymnasium. Yikes.

Keeping the overarching camp theme of "taking risks" in mind during the planning process, it enabled me to reflect on my own goals and where I strive to be not only in the future, but in the right now. When I stood in front of the campers, all my inhibitions subsided and I was open. I wanted not to fill them with knowledge as if they were empty vessels, but lead them to their own realizations. After the first day of camp, I realized I was standing in front of a group of wide-eyed girls preaching to them about taking risks and going "all in" in every sense of phrase from a physical, social, and mental standpoint. I challenged them to get uncomfortable, to get out in the world and meet new people, and to put themselves out there to be praised and criticized without fear. Without fear, there is no growth. Tying in She's the Firsts' mission to cultivate leadership at home to create a dialect and solidarity amongst leaders at home and abroad, I had them do something different in using social media in a positive way to share their stories, value their own opinions and the viewpoints of others, and create a community for change. My first challenge for them was to construct Tumblr blogs and write. Just write. When I first starting writing my own blog posts, I felt such a strong sense of empowerment and agency. What I had to say was important. People read what I wrote. People even cared immensely about what I wrote and I realized that by just sharing my voice and enabling others to witness the struggle and daily lessons I learned, I was creating a beautiful platform challenging the stereotypes of pageant competitors, all while engaging in an activity that brings me solace and comfort. This immense task of planning this camp slowly transitioned into a passion project, and yet another way I was achieving my ultimate goal of helping others realize their voice and instilling within them the confidence that they could use that voice to facilitate change.

When I sat in my bed the night after that first day of camp I began to contemplate. I was teaching these girls to use social media as a stepping stone to tell others about their passions, yet I wasn't following through on my end of the deal. I started connecting my experience not only to professional and personal development, but platform development. By using new technology, I could potentially reach a large portion of the vast arts education community and really take what I've been doing on a local scale and take it state-wide and even national. I came to the conclusion that in my own personal life, I was becoming stagnant and comfortable in where I was, instead of reaching and aiming for the next goal. Knowing that I could harness social media and new technology to be a powerful tool, I assembled a Facebook and Twitter page to not only keep people updated with my platform progress, but to encourage awareness of important arts education issues that are surfacing in today's economy. In just a few short months, I've been able to make solid connections with organizations and arts and education advocates across the country(not to mention get tweeted at by Cory Booker!) In fostering relationships via social media, I've been able to expand my platform much farther than the four walls that surround my workshops, and be inspired by other organizations and the programs they've set in place. I've applied for grants and just finished my first t-shirt fundraiser, which far surpassed my goal of $200, raising over $600 to start a scholarship fund for the students who participate in Arts Empowerment workshops. This year I am adding a poetry component to my fall and spring workshop series, and I am hoping to start a music education program to compliment the already set in place workshops.

As part of my Social Action Project through the Institute of Women's Leadership Scholars Program and my honors thesis, I've been conducting research on arts education and it's impact on the pedagogy and teaching of culture and civic engagement in our youth. It's thrilling for me(in a nerdy sense!) that I can take what I've been working on for so long and study the theory behind it. Arts Empowerment Project workshops focus on cultivating the “four C’s” in its participants: Creativity, Community Building, Communication, and Critical Thinking, which is achieved by using art, movement, and voice as a medium to discuss issues of body image, school attendance, goal-setting, mental and physical health, and violence. Students from various ages, cultural backgrounds, races, and genders come together to use visual and performing arts as a vehicle to create more productive communities and as a safe space for personal reflection and creativity. I was recently awarded a $500 grant that will allow me to incorporate lessons of cultural competency in Arts Empowerment Workshops through the introduction of the geographic, historical, and cultural origins of various art forms. Students will learn lessons, watch videos, and be exposed to different cultures, while being encouraged to talk about their own experience and backgrounds as part of the curriculum. It's fulfilling to watch my brainchild develop over time and having a hand in its start-up is what fuels my drive to continue to grow this program. It's my hope one day that The Arts Empowerment Project will touch the lives of students from every corner of the state and bring them the same lessons I learned in the dance studio that has shaped me into the leader I am today.

You're probably wondering what about my other internship with The Office of the Attorney General? Well, I can't tell you much because I am sworn under oath, but it truly was an eye-opening experience. I will tell you, as a HUGE fan of Criminal Minds and Law & Order, that it is NOTHING like it appears on television. Crimes do not get solved in a matter of an hour or less, but rather years upon years of gathering evidence does not always lead to even bringing a case to court. I also came to another vital realization...my future career will not involve sitting in a cubicle from nine to five. I am a people person who thrives off the presence of others. I met a handful of knowledgeable mentors, challenged myself to study an area I was unfamiliar with, and got an insider's view on what I have to expect in my future career path. 

One last highlight of the summer that I have to share is Douglass Fall Orientation. For two years now I've been able to serve as a mentor and leader for the new class of Douglass women. At eighteen years old, I was the shy freshman who just wanted to hide away in her dorm in a host of books and go home every weekend. I sometimes wish someone would have told me to just get out, just live a little, that there was a world of opportunity and possibility waiting on the other side of my door.I was used to being the "star of the show" so to say and was a well-known leader through the halls of my high school. At Rutgers, I was no one. I had to start again and the fear of the unknown plagued my daily ventures until I started to take advantage of all Douglass had to offer. Fortunately, I was enrolled in the women's residential college and was surrounded by a supportive, tight-knit community of like-minded women who had aspirations far beyond the norm. I was inspired to get out, speak out, and get involved in leadership activities. It was then that I regained my sense of self confidence and set out to conquer the world. In being an orientation leader, I've been able to instill that same sense of confidence in other young women, just like myself. I will never forget when I spoke on the student panel and answered a question about balancing credits and extracurriculars and it was brought up that I was tackling 20.5, the maximum credits allotted, that semester. A few months later, one of the students in the audience came up to me at the dining hall and said, "Hey! You're the crazy girl taking 20.5 credits! Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed, I think about you and say 'If she can do it, so can I'." This brings me to one of my favorite quotes, "Be strong. You never know who's looking up to you." Be that person. Be that change. Someone is always looking to you for their own strength, so when you're lost, remember that you are always someone's someone. 

I'm learning to put myself out there and take risks in every facet of my life. Fear is such an inhibitor and should motivate you rather than discourage you. I think for too long I've been afraid of the "what ifs" rather than focus on the "when." do not underestimate yourself and your abilities out of fear. Even "superwoman" gets scared sometimes. I cannot be everything, I cannot do everything, but I can strive to, as you should, too. Now, it's onward and upward as I try to take my own advice!